Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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