I'm gonna have a badass scar
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
