i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
