Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
