i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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