you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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