I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
