my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
