Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
