No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
