he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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