I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
