not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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