I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
