My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
