Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
