Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
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