A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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