I wanna bring you to show and tell
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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