how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
