Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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