oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
