She said her name was "party"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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