Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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