i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
