If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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