are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
