My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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