he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?