So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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