how can u be prego again
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.