Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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