i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.