...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.