i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
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Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.