You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents