Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar