He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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