he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
