There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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