Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
