Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
