fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize