2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
