I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
