How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
