I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
