my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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