Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
