he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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