Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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