The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
