I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
