Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
