Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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