I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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