I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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