Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
