Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
