i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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