I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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