Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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