I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
