What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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