allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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