he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
