So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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