we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
