Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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