Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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