Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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