It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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