Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Randomize
