Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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