i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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