There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
