She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
