if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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