well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
