Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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