I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
