i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
