Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
