just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
