I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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