I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
