Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
