Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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