i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
